From Childhood Influence to Personal Enlightenment, Day 5

What if the key to unlocking your deepest desires lies within a 28-day transformational journey? Step into the world of "Erotic Evolution" where I open up about my childhood as an army brat, discovering how those formative years influenced my views on judgment and self-expression. I invite you to join me as I peel back the layers, focusing on healing core wounds and exploring the liberating power of orgasmic energy. Inspired by the insights from "When Food is Love," I share how embracing self-responsibility has empowered me to become my own savior, setting the stage for attracting new desires and romantic love.

This episode is a heartfelt exploration of reclaiming personal sovereignty and breaking free from societal expectations and traditional gender roles. Imagine a world where your past no longer dictates your future, where each relationship becomes an opportunity for growth and healing. Through an enlightening experience of dance, I reveal how shifting my mindset has expanded my relationship potential, offering a realm of possibilities unbound by preconceived notions. Join the conversation on this journey of self-empowerment, and share your own experiences as we navigate towards greater personal freedom and transformation.


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Chapters

• 0:02 Healing Childhood Trauma and Self-Responsibility
• 11:15 Embracing Sovereignty and Self-Responsibility

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

hello, welcome back to erotic evolution and the 28-day orgasmic reset that I'm kicking this off. Thank God I had some gentle realizations, as I was talking about yesterday, and maybe the day before, about the judgment that was coming up to be transmuted. The judgment that kept me from starting this podcast for way too long, I believe, stems from, in my childhood, my opinion, my desires were not important, not didn't, didn't matter, we're not, was not allowed to have them, and had I had them, had I said them, it wouldn't have mattered anyway. I grew up as an army brat and we moved every single summer, nearly um, for most of my most of my youth, um, and and I was also not allowed to go to school. So I was homeschooled and, for all intents and purposes, drug around the country and the world, and while there are massive benefits and gifts that I received from this lifestyle, it was, it was really hard, but it didn't seem to matter that I was not okay with it.

Speaker 1: 2:18

Um, I did say that I wanted to go to school and and um wanted to go to school and and what just wasn't allowed. So I stayed home and read all the books I wanted to. I think that's the autodidact. I think that might be the right word. But so I schooled myself, which, you know, there's a lot of good too but recognizing that those are the core wounds that inhibited my freedom of expression. And you might be like, haven't you been making vlogs for years? Yes, but those weren't about me. Very infrequently did I say anything about myself, and there was those energetic walls that was still being put up that, uh, that was not allowing the audience that I desire to be connected to. So, oh, transmuting all of that with this glorious pleasure that came in today. And I also recognized earlier today that I'm doing this to be relaxed and receptive. And there was so much emotion the last few days, I was so like in it that, um, I wasn't, I wasn't soaking up all the juiciness, I wasn't getting that, um, the opening, the expansion, the, the, the softening that I came.

Speaker 1: 4:20

I came into this experience with the intention of receiving, of experiencing, and I was like, oh, that's right, I need to like, lay in this orgasmic expansiveness, this groundedness. So, after my session today, I was, I really basked in that relaxation and I imagined that my cells were opening in that space that they had in this relaxation, my cells were opening and releasing all that does not serve me, all the stuff I set the intention to release at the beginning, you know, make way, intending to make to release and clear anything standing in the way of of the manifestation of the desires that I have. And so I felt I felt my cells opening and I felt the, the pouring out, the slipping and the sliding of the energy out of my cells into the ground and it's sort of like a grounding cord sort of situation, but mostly just like falling out of me into the earth and I saw it dispersing through the planet to be transmuted in the darkness of the mother and oh, it was delicious. And then calling in as I was in my orgasmic state, and then again calling in that which I desire the clients and the romantic love and I think, my second orgasm. I was just like married, married, married, married, married. Just that's what was happening in my head. That was not my intention, but yeah, it's a desire. So the orgasmic energy is very, very magnetic, so so having that happen in my head was sort of lovely and funny to me and I was like, oh, yeah, let's, let's envision this beautiful marriage ceremony with me and my giant red dress, out somewhere in a forest with a, with a wonderful man who might just be a figment of my imagination, like he may not actually exist until until he appears. I don't know, I have this, I have these weird thoughts where I'm like I'm, if we are one with everything, I am everything everywhere all at once, then I am also this person and I have created him in my manifestation capacity, and maybe he doesn't even exist until I meet him. So so I better think a really amazing thoughts about this person, so that he turns out to be the most glorious manifestation, since I'm creating him out of the ether, or essentially nothing, or the the everything, the pure potential energy. Yeah, those are the sorts of things I think about what else I?

Speaker 1: 8:58

I was reading reading this book called when food is love, um, and it's a lot about healing childhood trauma, to heal your relationship with food and also heal your romantic relationships, as it turns out. Um, and I was wildly triggered. Thank you for that, but it brought up so much stuff. So I went for a walk in the neighborhood next door to me, because it has sidewalks and street lamps and and mine does not, um, and I I talked out everything that I was feeling to my angelic team to my soul angelic team to my soul talked and wept and screamed into my hands and um had just this massive, massive release of what was brought up in the book was that she said something to the effect of at some point, you have to stop waiting for your childhood to be fixed. You have to stop waiting for someone to come in and fix it. And I recognized that that's really what I had been doing waiting for this magical person to come give me the care and the attention and the love and the appreciation that I did not receive. My blanket is falling and so I decided I'm done waiting. I'm going to be I don't know my own savior. I'm going to be. I choose to be self-responsible. I choose to be the one here with me, taking care of me, paying attention to me, loving me, appreciating me, which will obviously make it easier for someone else to come.

Speaker 1: 11:15

Do is was the knowing that I had energetically been giving this future partner all this responsibility for me, all this responsibility to heal me, and there will be lots of healing. Romantic relationship is so much about healing what has happened in your childhood. We do pick our. We're magically, magnetically, divinely, um magnetized to people who have the good and the bad aspects of our caretakers. So we're like, oh, you feel like home. You feel like all the mad, crazy trauma that I experienced. I love that sensation that's safe, so that we get to alchemize that together.

Speaker 1: 12:22

So I was giving this person, who I haven't even met yet, all this responsibility to to take care of me, and my god, what a burden like. How could he possibly make his way to me through all of that heavy responsibility, burdensome like icky energy that I had? I had already thrown out to him like not magnetic, not sexy. So I pulled all of that back, calling back all that responsibility, and let myself take responsibility for myself. I'm at least willing to be totally responsible for myself at this point. What other choice do I actually have? It is the path, the path to sovereignty. What other choice do I actually have? Um, it is the path, the path to sovereignty. Um, so, yeah, I was just like, oh, my god, of course, of course I haven't met this amazing human yet. I'm not. I haven't been in my truth, I haven't been in alignment with the relationship I actually want or the sort of man I actually want, because I'm, I'm desiring equality and shortly after that. I think I may have spoken about this already, so I'll just say quickly, because it drives me crazy when I hear people say the same things over. But here we go. So I had this.

Speaker 1: 14:15

Maybe the next day I had this massive epiphany of. You know, I haven't even been looking for a partner. I've been looking for someone to take care of me, to financially support me. You know, because that's how I I grew up, and I think so many women have been taught that, um, that we need a man to take care of us. I mean, my God, I was just talking to someone about how women didn't even have bank accounts until the seventies unless their husbands or fathers or brothers opened it for them. Um, so I mean, it's been a couple of years, but it's only been a couple of years. Um, so we're really like you know, in this whole new empowerment thing, um, but our mothers weren't brought up in that and so we've, we've learned most many, most of us have learned that, um, the way that we survive is have a man take care of us. Um, the way that we survive is have a man take care of us. So I had that realization and I found myself in this lovely connection with a man. Right after that, after this, like instant epiphany, healing Um, and I felt myself in my sovereignty for, uh, for the first time ever with a man that I was attracted to, and it was like being this solid pyramid of energy with like these and not not thinking how quickly can he support me? How quickly can we move in together? How quickly can I get on the bank account? How much money does he make? Um, and it was glorious.

Speaker 1: 16:23

And then yesterday I had an amazingly delicious dance, anesthetic dance, with a man. Oh my God, it was so good. I was like, I wonder. In the middle of the dance, I'm like I want to end this dance cuddled up with someone touching someone in a physically intimate space, but not that person and not those people. Um, and then I was like, okay, you know, I'm going to be curious, because curiosity brings so much to me. So I was like I wonder who I'm going to end this dance with in this way that I desire.

Speaker 1: 17:10

And near to the end, um, someone just appeared brushed. I don't know if it was on purpose or it was an accident, but we brushed into one another and then we had the most amazing dance and he smelled incredible and um, and so I ended the dance in this beautiful embrace, like I wanted, and and then I realized later in the day or today, I'm not sure, um, that that healing that I've had has expanded the, the potential mates, exponentially. Because I'm not looking for something very, very specific anymore, because now that I have this sovereignty, I am my own king, I am responsible for myself, I'm taking care of myself, I'm with myself instead of being by myself. That this future man could be, could be something completely different than I've been trying to control it to be. So, you know, like probably not this guy I had this dance with, but I was like you never know, maybe like that's a magical energy when you can have a dance like that, and I'm like well, he's too young for me, and but then like, what difference does any of that make? If I am taking care of myself, if I have what I need, then the person who comes in could be anything. I mean, I do have a long list of amazing qualities that he has, but I felt like it expanded the potential field.

Speaker 1: 19:15

Okay, I went longer than I intended. I will see videos answering questions, and so I would love to hear about your experience. I would love to know what questions you have about about any of this your, your experience, what's what's going on. So reach out to me and I'm sending you tons of love. Thanks for listening to this episode of the good, the bad and the sexy. I hope that it served you in some way and, if it did, please reach out to me on Instagram at the good, the bad and the sexy, and tell me about it. Also, is there someone in your life who needs to get in on this conversation? I would love it if you would share the show with them. It's so much more fun to talk through these things together. Remember to get your free follow along. Orgasmic alchemy self pleasure audio guide in the show notes below. I look forward to connecting with you again next time. Ciao for now.