Navigating Desire: Balancing Pleasure Practices, Worthiness, and the Search for True Connection, Day 10

Ever find yourself caught in the intricate dance between everyday habits and your deepest desires? Join me on day 10 of the orgasmic alchemy portal as I open up about my personal journey with pleasure practices, and the resistance and emotions they stir. We touch on the delicate balance between sensuality and habits like eating, exploring how they intertwine with our sexual energy. I'll share my own struggles with worthiness and presence, inviting you to reflect on your experiences and questions in a safe and open space.

Navigating the holiday season while single can stir a unique mix of emotions and longings. This episode offers a raw look at my reflections on past relationships, the healing process from trauma, and the ongoing quest for a fulfilling partnership. If you've ever felt the tension between the desire for connection and the fear of settling, you'll find a relatable companion in this conversation. We'll explore the importance of aligning with our true selves and what it means to be truly available for love, all while keeping hope alive for a future that matches our deepest desires.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

hey, babe, it is day 10 of this orgasmic alchemy portal. I'd love to know where you're at. Are you doing the practices? Are you enjoying them? Do you have questions? Are you feeling lit up and turned on? Are you feeling some resistance, like I am? Leave me comments below or send me a DM. I would love to hear where you're at and answer any questions.

Speaker 1: 0:32

So, yeah, I noticed today that I was like I can do this and then I'll do my practice. Well, I can just do this and I can just do this and I can just do this and I'm trying to keep myself from doing it. So I was like, okay, why am I doing this? And I think it feels like there is a little bit of not allowing myself the experience, the pleasure of maybe feeling a little unworthy, undeserving of it, yeah, for some reason, not wanting myself to have the experience. When I went into the practice, I was, I had to be very, I had to really be present with the I, with the wanting to hurry through it, and so I intentionally made it way slower and way softer and way more sensual. And it was, it was quite exquisite. But also also, my head was like can we just finish and go eat something. That seems to be all I want to do and there's's a there's a correlation, I know, like the more sex I have, the less I eat. The more I eat, the less sex I'm having sort of thing. Um, probably some hormonal stuff too, but, um, and there's like energy that I'm trying to not feel. There's some sensations I'm trying to not feel through the eating.

Speaker 1: 2:30

So my intention today was specifically to heal what's going on in my digestive system, in my intestines, that I don't want to feel, and so I think that made it more not wanting to be in that experience, and probably that was what was leading up to it. I was like I don't want to feel the feelings that I'm trying to eat my way through, um, and a little bit of like I'm doing another Christmas and New Year single. So I have a friend who says well, ultimately we all die alone and I for me, it was important to recognize that I could change that dynamic and be with myself. So I called in my divine masculine that part of me that I want to connect with and in my personal wholeness and anyway, the, the energy of this future beloved came in. But it really just made me so sad to be single. So so it was a lot, of, a lot of stuff coming up, um, and still really feeling it stir in my belly and knowing that I need to stay present with these sensations, not eat through these sensations.

Speaker 1: 4:31

I did ask Santa Claus for a boyfriend for Christmas, but since I didn't meet him in my one outing at Costco today, it looks like that might not happen. But there's always a reason, and I feel like all the stuff that's unfolded since I false started this process has really cleared the way and made me actually available for romantic love. And I said that to someone and he was like you said that before, what's different this time? And he was like you said that before, like what's different this time? And I do think there is a big difference in my sovereignty and the trauma that I healed from the previous marriage. But there's also like something that needs to come into alignment. Maybe it's me, maybe it's him. I'm going to keep bringing myself into that space of of feeling what it is to be in that happy, healthy, romantic relationship.

Speaker 1: 5:50

I'm going to go back and watch my videos that I posted previously, follow along, and I have a friend who says if you wanted to be with someone. You would be with someone, right. So that's the thing, like what's the not wanting? What part of me doesn't want that? And she's like there's plenty of guys you could just pick somebody and be with them, but I haven't met anyone since I got here to Austin that I would want to be in a long-term relationship with. Like there's a thing, there's a special something about a compatible person and I can't just be like I'm just going to be with someone. To be with someone, um, I'm not. I don't feel like I'm ready to give up quite yet. Give up um, settle, I don't want to settle. I want this great love Like she has. Um, she met someone like 10 minutes after her divorce was final.

Speaker 1: 6:58

We have very different soul paths, apparently, but I realized that if I'm talking about my love life on this vlog and in the upcoming podcast which will be coming in January Erotic Evolution you can go through the link in my bio and subscribe on Spotify or whatever other ones, and we know who I use and be, be there, be ready when it starts. It's gonna it's gonna be a similar but different vibe. Okay. So I realized that if I'm talking about my love life on this. Dating is part of my work and as part of my work, I can write off a subscription to a dating app, which made me feel way more excited about actually doing it. And it's not like a dating apps are super pricey, although I was like, if I am like, I can write it off as a business expense is what was happening in my head. That's why I was excited about it and, um, and then I was like, well, if I'm writing it off, why don't I just like go big and like get a do like a dating match made, match making agency? Um, if I'm going to be writing it off, so there's an idea and I'm happy to be feeling more excited about the idea of online dating and I'm going to start going more new places. Just be open that maybe he comes to the places I'm already going. Yeah, I think that's all I have. I'm sending you tons of love and I look forward to seeing you tomorrow and being with you on the podcast coming in January.

Speaker 1: 9:01

Thanks for listening to this episode of the good, the bad and the sexy. I hope that it served you in some way and, if it did, please reach out to me on Instagram at the good, the bad and the sexy and tell me about it. Also, is there someone in your life who needs to get in on this conversation? I would love it if you would share the show with them. It's so much more fun to talk through these things together. Remember to get your free follow along. Orgasmic alchemy self pleasure audio guide in the show notes below. I look forward to connecting with you again next time. Ciao for now.