Redefining Fear: Exploring the Fine Line Between Anxiety and Excitement, Day 18

Is everything you've been told about fear wrong? Join me as I unravel my personal journey through a 28-day orgasmic alchemy portal, where I challenge the narratives we've been fed about fear and excitement. Nestled in the front seat of my car, I candidly explore the blurred lines between fear and excitement, and how these emotions play a pivotal role in both holding us back and driving us forward. Sharing my hesitation and thrill over considering a dating app, you'll hear the raw tension as my mind grapples with the vulnerability and anticipation of new experiences.

As I peel back the layers of anxiety and excitement, you'll find yourself rethinking how you perceive fear. Listen as I talk through the fear of not being chosen, the peculiar dance of emotions, and the belief in the possibility of unique connections. With a sprinkle of humor and a dash of hope, this episode invites you to laugh, reflect, and maybe even reconsider how you approach your own bold ventures. Get ready to challenge your assumptions and embrace the unknown with a curious heart.


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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Hello again, my darling. We're back. I have completely messed up on the days, so I'm not going to say what day it is, but this is, on the whole, the 28 day orgasmic alchemy portal, and I don't have enough time to go back home, so we're going to have a new set and do it in the car, and so what has been coming up for you, tell me, tell me all the things and for me, you might remember, in another video, if you've been watching, I realized that if I do a dating app, and then I obviously will be talking about it on these vlogs, and that makes the dating app, and then I obviously will be talking about it on these vlogs, and that makes the dating app a business expense.

Speaker 2: 0:49

And.

Speaker 1: 0:49

I was like now I'm excited, I was going to wait until the new year to put it on the correct taxes and now it is a week into the new year and I still haven't done it. Now it is a week into the new year and I still haven't done it. And you know, for someone who spends, I was feeling into doing the dating app and the amount of tension and fear and anxiety that arose was surprising. It felt like my arms were filled with shame. It felt like they were too heavy and too wobbly, like not enough strength to like pick them up, to like pick up my phone and get on a nap. Um, yeah, so lots of like fear through my throat and my solar plexus and, um, I think there's more to it. No, you know what it is. It is excitement, energy that I am, I am somewhere in my head has decided that that sensation is anxiety and fear when it is is anxiety and fear when it is energy. It is energy and enthusiasm to do the damn thing. I was like I don't know what the fuck it is. I'm going to get on this video and I'm going to talk it out and I think, I think that's the thing it's. Yeah, oh my God, thank you for listening. It's. Yeah, oh my god, thank you for listening.

Speaker 1: 3:12

I so, yeah, there's fear, but that, like, there's this, like I don't mean, I don't know, I don't want to say it's like a fine line between fear and anxiety. I think they are so much the same thing that we can get them mixed up, that we can get them twisted, and we've been, I don't know, sort of taught that that feeling is something that's saying no, don't do it, it's scary and it's wrong. When, maybe, when we tune into that sensation and recognize that like, oh, actually I can find pleasure in that sensation, then it can just be power, it can be energy to do the thing. And so, since I am declaring that it is the energy and the enthusiasm and the excitement to do the thing and I'm telling you now I have to do it. And, on the same note, there is some stuff there, like there's a little bit of stuff that maybe we could talk out, what piece of that is.

Speaker 1: 4:20

Fear is saying to me don't do it, because you will not be chosen, don't do it because you will not be chosen, don't do it because you will not find your match, you will be rejected and so save yourself. Okay, I hear that. I hear that, and that is a fairly valid response. I am a conundrum wrapped in a riddle. No, I am looking for something specific because I am how can I say, in a generous way, I'm unique, right? So I'm looking for something unique and I believe than it exists. So, like, in all odds, in all probability, there is more than one compatible person living in this area, and I am totally willing to believe that, to believe that there is someone wanting me just as much as I'm wanting them. And it might be fun. It might be fun to go find him, to go find him, or at least put myself on a dating app and be accessible for him to find me, cause actually that sounds way better, cause I think we both know I won't spend that much time on the app, so he better find me and have some damn good photos. Um, and say something funny. Sir, please say something funny, because that is what will get me.

Speaker 1: 6:33

And then, um, I realized on the dance floor today, so many realizations on the dance floor, have you noticed? Um, if you are not dancing and you need a realization, if you are not dancing and you need a realization. Come on, come on to the dance floor. Um, I, you know I've been talking about what's going on in my digestion and this lack of dating situation and I put together today how they're kind of going together. I have gained some weight this year and I had this understanding this morning that because I felt that it was unsafe to be in a relationship, at least in part. Um, there's lots of, lots of parts of this, like the accepting what is stuff. Um, is a big, big part.

Speaker 1: 7:37

Um, but I, I'm now in a, a place in my body where I don't feel as sexy as I would like to. It's almost like I'm please don't judge me for saying this but I feel like I am too heavy at the moment and just too freaking uncomfortable most of the time to be with someone romantically, sexually. So I have, I've been keeping myself safe with this space I'm putting between me and the world. So that was an interesting realization. Um, and you know, I know people do that and I've worked with people who do that and I totally get it, but I didn't think that I was doing it.

Speaker 1: 8:29

I have continually been like I am open and ready and available and so, yes, I keep opening and I keep opening, and I keep opening and becoming more available, um, but there's there's that stuff like that, um, you know, and I look at women who are bigger than me and I imagine that they're having. They're having sex, they're potentially having phenomenal sex and you know, I think so many of them look amazing and, yeah, some more self judgment, just for funsies and and it's a hair situation Like I probably wouldn't date someone with this sort of purple monstrosity and I'm willing to accept where I am and I'm willing to date, just so I can tell you all about it and thank you for holding me accountable. So I'm sending you tons of love and I will see you tomorrow.

Speaker 2: 9:48

Thanks for listening to this episode of the good, bad and the sexy. I hope that it served you in some way and, if it did, please reach out to me on instagram at the good, the bad and the sexy and tell me about it. Also, is there someone in your life who needs to get in on this conversation? I would love it if you would share the show with them. It's so much more fun to talk through these things together. Remember to get your free follow along. Orgasmic alchemy self pleasure audio guide in the show notes below. I look forward to connecting with you again next time. Ciao for now.