Visualizing A Lover, Man-ifesting, & Compersion (if you can)

We explore the journey of love, healing, and the complex feelings surrounding relationships, focusing on the idea of compersion and how past experiences shape our desires for connection. By recognizing the importance of internal love and joy, we aim to manifest genuine fulfillment and relationships in our lives.

• Embracing the concept of compersion for our partner's happiness 
• Reflecting on the impacts of childhood and parental relationships 
• Imagining the ideal partner as a means of manifesting love 
• Sharing stories of past relationships and lessons learned 
• Overcoming fears of vulnerability in personal and professional expression 
• Realizing growth occurs in layers through healing 
• Recognizing the importance of authentic communication and connection

Chapters

• 0:02 Manifesting Love
• 10:50 Overcoming Fear and Embracing Desire

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

Hi, this is Elizabeth Angelica, and you're listening to the good, the bad and the sexy, where I'm going to be spilling all the intimate aspects on my journey of healing love, addiction, codependency and scarcity, and how I'm manifesting new romantic partnership and creating sovereign abundance, all this through the wild and wonderful lens of conscious transformation, energy, medicine, non-dual spiritual magic and my orgasmic alchemy practices. All right, here we go. So I'm driving in my car. I don't know what I saw, because I felt like I was doing. I was doing great, good mood Maybe. I saw like a cute guy in the car next to me and then, you know, noticed his partner or the car seat in the back or what have you, which, in my mind, takes him out of the runnings.

Speaker 1: 1:00

Yeah, the kid thing too, even though I thought for such a long time well, actually it took me a long time to admit that I wanted kids, and then, when I did, then I changed my mind and I kept. I think a couple times I declared to the universe that I rescindended all my requests for children. I was at the Springs with a girlfriend and there was a kid who was screaming about something and I, without thinking, said children should be outlawed. Oh my God. So we both agreed with that sort of opinion that life is not going to bring me stepchildren, although I think I would be a really good step-grandma. That's sort of always what I thought would happen, since I had to make the decision to have a hysterectomy to stay alive. So grandkids sound okay. So grandkids sound okay.

Speaker 1: 2:08

If dude had his kids early on, I could handle some college kids or something like that. And that's what my ex and I were talking about when we talked about adopting. We went from like, well, maybe we could get you know, I I said I have to have a child who is of the age they can make their own peanut butter and jelly. And Then we were like maybe a high schooler? And they were like well, you know, the emotions run really high in those years. What about a college student? And then he said maybe we should just get like a medical student, right, they just come home on holiday and they're basically adults already. They just come home on holiday and they're basically adults already. Which is what I think I actually wanted in that relationship with a child, like when they're not a child anymore. That's when my relationship with my mother felt like it got a little better.

Speaker 1: 3:11

So I'm in the car and I see something that triggers me and I think to myself I hope, wherever my I had this idea, feeling that wherever my future man is future man, that that he, you know, he's probably in this beautiful relationship with this gorgeous woman, having a lovely time together, having great sex, everything is good. Meanwhile I'm here feeling alone, trying not to feel alone. So it made me feel like I hope that wherever he is, maybe on a spaceship, I've sort of I've sort of thought that for a while Maybe I haven't met him yet because he lives on a spaceship and humanity isn't evolved enough yet to let them land and be part of our community. So if that is the case you heard it here first so I'm hoping, right, that he is missing me and wanting me as much as I am missing and wanting him and missing and wanting him.

Speaker 1: 4:34

That idea of compersion, being happy for your partner because they're happy, or being happy because they're happy, even if it is happy because they're fucking someone else I've, honest, I've had the hardest time remembering that word and I think that is, you know, a bit of a sign I couldn't even remember the word to describe the being happy for my partner's happiness. If I ever had that and of course, seeing someone be happy makes you happy, no matter what but in this specific relational aspect, I'm not sure I have that. If I had it, if I was born with it, then it must have been squished out of me, seeing my parents' relationship, seeing my mother's suffering from my father's infidelity, and and then I realized that if I'm not happy for his happiness, if I, if I want this person to be unhappy because we're not together, then both of us would be holding the space of not having one another, which is the exact opposite, as we know, of how we actually manifest something. You can have what you already have. So have you met Henry? Have you met my handsome husband here? Yes, yes.

Speaker 1: 6:10

So I am changing my mind. I do want him to be happy, even if that is the scenario and, God willing, we are closer to being together than him still being in a significant relationship. But whatever the case may be, I need to take that feeling of missing something in my life and fill it up with love so he can easily slip on into me, slip on into my life. I think that was a double entendre and that he is feeling full of love, that my absence is not a void that cannot be filled. So we're going to go with that and I'm going to try, I'm going to intend, I'm going to envision and hold myself in the space of being with this person more and more and more. Maybe I need to like put some post-it notes up or something.

Speaker 1: 7:29

But I, I went to dance a couple of weeks ago, I guess, and I was imagining that I was having this day with Henry and without him and saying goodbye to him before I left the house, and then we had a quick chat on the phone and then he, uh, he showed up at the end of the dance where the songs start getting slow, because he knows that I would really love to have someone to dance with and embrace at the end and those slow songs and that stillness. So that was so sweet of him to show up at the end. And he brought me a starbucks and left it for me and went off to do whatever it is he was gonna do and we had made plans to plans to go get pasta in the evening together and it felt really lovely, it felt really real. So I I remember listening to an abraham video and they said that people have such an issue with lying. But if you tell this quote, lie for a little while. It won't be a lie anymore, it will be your truth, and assuming that everyone can see him and not worrying that people think you're crazy for introducing this invisible person, for interacting with this person that only you can see.

Speaker 1: 9:15

So I had a thought that I might continue on in this show Only only expressing that, only coming from this version of my reality where I already have him in my life. Or I might spend more time complaining to you about how I'm single. No, but surely there's some people in between here and there and they'll be the excitement of actually meeting him and perhaps we've actually met. I mean, you know, ethereally I'm doing these self-pleasure practices and it's the energy of money that's coming to me. But that energy it's coming in in the form of a man. It's like the, it's like soft white rose petals against my skin and it's like this dark background with these vibrant pink and pastel purples, and it's in the form of a man, doesn't have a face, but it feels like he's my lover. So they're kind of get a little blended together and maybe I'm just projecting my inner masculine, this energy that I feel can take care of me better than I can take care of myself, the part of me that can take action.

Speaker 1: 10:50

And speaking of parts of me that can take action, I was feeling into my resistance to renting a venue to start doing the Tantra events and group healings and I asked myself I may have said this before, but I've decided it's okay to repeat myself, because some things need to be worked through more than once and some things need to be heard several times and heard in different ways. But so I asked myself what is the worst thing that would happen if I went ahead and did these workshops and these events and I heard that I would be stoned, like I would be stoned to death. So I brought that to the class that I'm in and we did this beautiful healing where you rise up above your timeline and maybe I'll do a little mini session and guide some people through something similar. I saw myself in another version of my life where I was in the Middle East and he couldn't quite tell if I was like having a home where women who were in trouble for being what they would say is indecent in that part of the world, or I was running a brothel. Either way, whatever it was got discovered and we all got killed for it. So that made me have the belief that if people know that I work in the field of sexuality, I will be killed for it, and so will everyone associated with me.

Speaker 1: 12:45

So it's not surprising that it has been challenging to get myself up and going with this again, and not surprising that it didn't expand the way I had been hoping before I quit. But as it turns out, I am just who I am, with the same desires and soul, path and interests as I ever was, and trying to switch over to having a different career, even though I was doing AI art and love it, and will never stop being an artist or a photographer. That's not where I feel like I will feel the fulfillment that I desire, because my desire has always been to support people in this very particular way. Even when I didn't know what energy healing was exactly, I thought I had to be a doctor, and then I thought I had to be a sex therapist and a sex coach, and so I keep coming back to the same. So I keep coming back to the same conclusion, and I came back to the same conclusion.

Speaker 1: 14:20

And then the other night I went, I scrolled way, way, way back on my Instagram and I found a video that I had made talking about how I at that point I was like I'm just gonna be a sex coach and I'm not doing any of the energy healing stuff, and I realized at that point that I am supposed to put them together and this is what I'm supposed to do and I'm supposed to do it for groups in this way that my heart so desires and gives me these beautiful visions of. So that was interesting. But it was also interesting to note that in that video, my voice, my pre-divorce voice, was completely different. Okay, not completely different, I'm not like it didn't have throat surgery, it's not completely different, but it was several octaves higher and I think at that point people had told me that I had a, a sing-songy sort of low voice, and maybe I'm still sing-songy, but it is yeah to hear myself as a different person.

Speaker 1: 15:46

I think going through that and the subsequent work that I have done on myself and coming more and more and more and more relaxed has allowed me to settle deeper into my body so that my voice can be more relaxed, more true, more open, coming from a deeper place in my body and my being, a deeper place in my body and my being, and related to that, the guy that I was saying that I I told that we didn't have a romantic future and basically was like do you just want to? You know, can we just have sex? And he was like are you asking me to be your fuck buddy? I didn't really want to be buddies, I just wanted that one time. But I knew instantly that he wasn't the person because he had gay guy voice and not only is it justating on the auditory system. That showed me how not authentic and his being he was being.

Speaker 1: 17:20

Now, I totally get it. He's like 6'5 and broad and was raised with only women, so that is a way that he could make himself seem less scary. In reality, the way the world is now and in his environment growing up, he can seem yeah, I don't know if there's other words for it other than less scary. He can seem more one of the girls in his family and less intimidating to women in the world. So I get it, but I don't want to spend a lot of time with it and I knew that if I did, I would say something, and that's probably not my place, and maybe it is. Maybe I should have just been like here's actually what's happening. It's not because you're saying you know you need more woo-woo in your life and I'm I'm not beginner woo-woo right, like I'm not, I'm not the first person you should be seeing.

Speaker 1: 18:36

If you need more woo-woo in your life, like maybe you start meditating, maybe start seeing a, a chick who's like starting to learn about chakras, so I didn't say anything because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. Maybe, maybe that was a disservice. Would I want to hear something like that from someone else? Hmm, I don't know. I'm practically perfect in every way, so what would you possibly say? No, I look better and better every day. Right, perhaps I have healed the piece of me that's keeping me from finding a venue.

Speaker 1: 19:27

There's actually a Tantra festival coming up and I had the idea that maybe I would, maybe I would and should and could offer to facilitate a group sex, love and relationship healing. I should probably pick something a little bit more specific. But and then I got all scared because I haven't done this in a while, in a while, which is silly, because it's easy for me and with that, with the energy of more people, it would be even easier. But I got so scared and was like, is it crazy to do it or is it crazy to not do it? I think it's crazy to not do it because if you have a desire, that's how you know what you should do, and your being doesn't give you these desires, because it's something that's going to kill you. I will absolutely survive that. I might be a whole new, upgraded version of myself for it. That might be exactly the step that needs to happen to start bringing more and more of this into my life. So, okay, I've talked myself into it. What are you going to give yourself permission to do today? Okay, that's what I got. I'm sending you so much love and see you next time, mwah. See you next time, mwah.

Speaker 1: 21:22

Thanks for listening to this episode of the Good, the Bad and the Sexy. I hope that it served you in some way and, if it did, please reach out to me on Instagram at TheGoodTheBad and TheSexy and tell me about it. Also, is there someone in your life who needs to get in on this conversation? I would love it if you would share the show with them. It's so much more fun to talk through these things together. Remember to get your free follow along. Orgasmic alchemy self pleasure audio guide in the show notes below. I look forward to connecting with you again next time. Ciao, for now you.